release…

I think back to all the years behind me as I get ready to make the next move forward in my life. Throughout those years I have tried to be the best version of me that I could be, even though I have had to fight numerous bouts of depression and deal with an ego that produces fearful thoughts every time I tried to step outside of my comfort zone. Maybe it’s just the right time or maybe it’s because I’m getting older and the things that used to stress me, just don’t anymore but over the last few weeks I have been releasing the stuff from the past that keeps coming back to haunt me…mostly relationships that should never have gotten off the ground or relationships that should have been given a chance when I had the opportunity and just general missed opportunities in my career, etc. In the past I would have played these situations over and over again in my head, wondering how I could change the past, but as you all know, my learned friends, the past is in the past and cannot be changed, no matter how much you want it to. We have to be content with forgiving and moving on, hopefully to bigger and better things.

The weight that is lifting off my shoulders is a release that I thought might not ever come. This time last year I had surrendered to the fact that my life was shit and that was that! But as with all cycles in life, I am now sure that I can create the life of my dreams and that the next time I hit a low I will be better prepared to push through it and climb that hill back to happiness and contentment.

On the outside my life doesn’t look like it has changed that much in the last few weeks, but on the inside a flower that was closed is now blossoming and filling me with a feeling of anticipation and joy. I am experiencing a deep sense of peace that I have not felt in a long time and all I had to do was let go of the past. I mean really let go. You can say you have but until you really do, it will hold you back in all areas of your life. I call to all those experiencing the same to be brave and take that next step, to remove yourself from the shackles that have bound you to your past. Be free, be at peace, be true to yourself now. Now is all we ever really have. Enjoy it because all too soon it is in the past…

 

what’s with the fear?

Some huge emotional, spiritual and even physical leaps have been taken by me in the last couple of weeks. Pennies are dropping everywhere as my shortfalls are starting to be realised and the solutions to them following very closely behind.

The work I have been doing on my archetypes has been amazing. It makes so much sense now about why I’ve made the choices I’ve made my whole life. I still have a very long way to go but in my work archetype I am finally starting to see why my dream career is just that…a dream. You see I have the scholar archetype in that part of my map. This describes me to a tee. I love to learn. My mind is like one big sponge, absorbing all the knowledge I can. However, I don’t do anything with this knowledge because of this absurd fear that whilst I excelled at the learning, I may dismally fail at passing that information on. I’m living in the shadow side of this archetype. In fact, I’m living in the shadow side of quite a few of my archetypes. Yes folks I truly am living with a whole lotta big, fat fear!

So, what’s with all this bloody fear? I hate the vile, oppressive scum that it is. It really bugs me that I have allowed this emotion  to rule the majority of my life. Here I was thinking that I was all about love but it turns out that this blog should really be called amanda french and fear! Geez Louise! Enough already! Quite frankly I’m over it! Fear and ego have been given their marching orders.

Right now I promise myself that no longer will my life be ruled by fear. Starting today I promise myself that all my decisions will be made from a place of love. I know that sounds very hippie but so be it! Call me Sunbeam Moonshine. I’m getting on the love train and I’m not getting off until every last fear has been evicted!

Toot! Toot! Next stop…Loveville!

Until Next Time…Think Big & Blossom!